It’s a rare gift to be able to persevere in life and not look back and wonder about the decisions you’ve made. I don’t have this gift. Instead, I play the woulda coulda shoulda game in my head.
I play out scenarios in my mind, wondering if things would have turned out differently if I would have done (fill in the blank), or what if I had handled (fill in the blank) a certain way? You get the picture.
My latest concern has been my choice of professions. It’s not that I don’t love being a librarian – I do. I enjoy my job and daily find reasons to be thankful. I’m just concerned about the lack of full time jobs in this field. It’s a problem.
I saw a woman who used to work at the library and moved onto another job. I asked her how her graduate studies were going and she said that she had decided to go into nursing instead. I told her that I had, once upon a time, thought of nursing school and was even accepted, only to decide to go back and become a librarian instead.
“Seriously?”, she said. “You would have had any job you wanted if you had become a nurse.”
This is probably true. The big question is, would I have been happy? Would I have wondered, should I have become a librarian? My guess is that I would never have liked it as much as I enjoy what I do now.
I enjoy not knowing what question the next patron is going to throw at me, cleaning up vomit (not really, but that’s what I’ve done lately), dealing with people of all ages, helping people find what they were looking for, being part of a community.
I just wish that there were more full time jobs available. If I wanted to be a director, I’d have no problem finding one. I don’t want to be a director.
Lately, my D.H. has been lamenting the fact that he sold his 1989 Honda Civic. That was 15 years ago. Maybe we both need to learn to let things go.