Getting My Pantyhose In a Bunch

mrs robinson

“Gosh, Mrs. Robinson, those sure look uncomfy.”


I’d like to talk about something that has been an irritant since I was 12 and no longer young enough to wear tights.  They’re called pantyhose. 

I’m bringing this up because I went to find a new pair at Target yesterday.  The first thing I saw was their “Assets” brand, which consists of overpriced hose masquerading as the ONLY brand they sell.  Neatly hanging in enticing rows with chic artwork on the packages, Target appears to be very proud of these ridiculously expensive undergarments. 

Not to be sucked into spending $16.00 on an item that I will ruin after one wearing, I went to find the Leggs stand. 

Target punishes women who want to buy the cheaper brand by placing the Leggs display in an inconvenient corner.   They further deter a purchase by strategically messing up the entire display with no apparent organization of the sizes, colors and types.  A size Q off-black pair can be side by side with a size A suntan.  Do you want control top?  You’ll have to shove aside all of the Silken Mist and attempt to reach to the back to search.  It’s beyond inconvenient.

I meant what I said when I refuse to purchase something that I will ruin almost immediately.  If I get three wearings out of a pair of hose, I consider that a personal success.  I will inevitably hit my leg on something that will snag them, put my finger through the hose while trying in vain to put them on or find a run while doing absolutely nothing.  Did your hose ever have a collision in the washing machine with a velcro item?  It’s not pretty.

It’s a conspiracy, I swear it.

Do you recognize the movie picture above?  If you’re too young to remember seeing The Graduate, then you probably don’t wear hose.  I’ve been told that 20 something crowd has shunned them.

In the meantime, I’ll just take my support hose and deal with it.  Assets indeed.


7 thoughts on “Getting My Pantyhose In a Bunch

  1. I hate pantyhose too. I hate buying pantyhose too! In fact, I recently bought a way-too-expensive pair, and promptly got a run in them. So I didn’t even make it through 2 or 3 wearings of them. I will stick to pants from now on. 🙂

  2. I DO recognize the movie (love it!)…I am older than you are…and I shun pantyhose too! I HATE them…particularly being my size and shape…they are ALWAYS too long AND cut off circulation in my waist…and I usually manage to put a hole in them the first time I try to put them on…so, join with me and JUST SAY NO!!!

  3. Rejecting the nylons is not just for 20-somethings – I too gave them up long ago and as God is my witness I shall never get hosed again.

  4. Where do I even start with this issue? I think the words “4 waistbands” comes close to covering it:
    Undies + panthyhose + slip + skirt = one unhappy girl.

    And really I have to wonder, how well does thatTarget brand that you mentioned sell? Consider the first 3 letters of its name…

  5. What kills me is all the ways you can supposdly save your pantyhose from immediate ruin – freezing them, using nail polish, blah blah blah. How about I just burn’em? Bye Bye problem!

  6. I’m convinced that pantyhose were invented by women hating men. NASA could use them as containment device on any shuttle mission, this is how uncomfortable they are.

    I mean….am I wrong ladies??!!!

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