Last week I realized that I had thrown away my fork when I tossed what was left of my lunch. This is a huge problem since we are down quite a few utensils in the silverware drawer. Perhaps the fact that I have a bad habit of dropping them down the garbage disposal might explain it. All of our teaspoons could double as grapefruit spoons due to their garbage disposal induced serrated edges.
I was then putting plates away and I smashed two together, sending shards of Sakura all over me and the counter. Upon closer inspection, ALL of my salad plates are chipped. The dinner plates are looking pretty worn out too. I’m also slightly embarrassed that half of my dishes are a fetching mix of Correlle ware and plastic plates that my kids made me in preschool and kindergarten.
The drinking glass cupboard is really no better. I have Buzz Lightyear and Woody cups circa 1994 along with plastic tumblers that don’t match my unmatched dishes. If you’re really thirsty, you could use one of the many special edition Seven Eleven Slurpee cups that my family has collected over the years. Or, how about a Cedar Point Snoopy cup? Any of these classy options would make a guest feel young again.
You’re getting the picture, right? I really don’t need to add that my mother took pity upon me this past birthday and bought me a Farberware cookware set because my children complained to her that there was a pan drought. Nor do I need to talk about the fact that our sheets are so old that the fitted ones no longer have elastic at the corners. They’re beyond pathetic. Yes, things have seen better days at my house.
So, I propose that women should be allowed a shower every ten years. I am eight years overdue for my 10-year shower, and that would explain why things have gone downhill so rapidly around these parts.
These showers (let’s call them”pimp my cupboard” parties) would be very casual affairs. The needy hostess would send e-vites to sympathetic friends and family along with a wish list (no Waterford crystal or ridiculously expensive china settings, please – this is for everyday items only). This event could double as a coupon-swap, wine tasting session or bitchfest. Lunch would be included, of course and games such as euchre would be allowed.
What do you think? I think that this would be a smashing success. Target and Macy’s may even want to add another gift registry category.
Please let me know what days work for you and if you prefer chicken pot pie or a sandwich. I’ll be posting my list shortly.