Dieting By the Books

The beginning of a new year always brings out a slew of diet books that I am required to purchase for the library. Not that I blame the dozens of patrons who request that the library buy a book before they do – why spend the money if you end up thinking the book was a waste? Here’s a smattering of some of the most recent additions to the collection for your reading enjoyment.

***Disclaimer: The opinions expressed on this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of my place of employment. Or, maybe they do. I never asked.

The Instinct Diet – Here’s a blurb from the book’s description: The “I” Diet is the only diet that helps us control the controls. The diet that’s easy to follow; the diet that’s based on impeccable laboratory research; the diet where the dieter never goes hungry; the diet that is unequivocably healthy, thoroughly grounded in the metabolic, genetic, and psychological workings of the human body. Wow. Those are some big diet shoes to fill.

Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar – No fun either. Unless you have celiac disease, this can’t be realistic.

No S Diet – It’s really ‘s’imple, says the author. No ‘s’nacks, no ‘s’weets and no ‘s’econds until the days of the week that start with “s”. ‘S’o, you have to deny yourself Monday through Friday but on ‘S’aturday and ‘S’unday, you can pig out to your heart’s delight. ‘S’eriously – I heard about this back in the 1980’s and no book was required. ‘S’illy.

Skinny Bitch/Bastard – Personally, I just think the authors like to use bad words. And not just in the title either. How many salads can be described as *f-ing* anything? Also, not everyone wants to be a vegetarian. Granted, the meat industry could use a major overhaul but if that’s the whole reason for your book, call it “Skinny F-ing Vegan Bitch”. Oh, and there are cookbooks too, plus a companion for women with a “Bun In The Oven”. You could order the entire f-ing boxed set. ‘Bitchin.

Shangri-La Diet – I’m not sure that I understand this diet. The author claims that by ingesting two daily servings of olive oil or sugar and water, he lost weight.  194 pages to say that?

The Kind Diet – What do lotus root rounds, daikon rounds, shoyu, unflavored mochi, jijiki and mirin have in common? Why, they’re all part of the Kind Diet. Thanks to Alicia Silverstone, you can get fit and save the planet at the same time. That is, if you can find the ingredients for her recipes. Somehow, I don’t think that Target is going to help you on this one.  Perhaps you could lose weight by running from store to store. 

How to Eat Like a Hot Chick – I really have no idea what this diet book is all about. Something like eating whatever you want and then eating a pound of spinach afterwards. I think that might be effective, actually. I would be vomiting on a regular basis and therefore losing weight. Nice cover, by the by.

Big Breakfast Diet – There is an old saying that goes like this: “Eat like a king at breakfast, a prince at lunch and a pauper at dinner”. There. I just saved you $20.00.


One thought on “Dieting By the Books

  1. Are you trying to get me fired, Ames? I’m reading this while at the desk and couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud, especially at your description of Skinny Bastard. You are soooo funny!

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