My friends, there is bad news everywhere lately. No, don’t check your local news site or even CNN.com to see if I’m telling the truth. You’re going to have to just trust me. Put down the mouse and listen up: you don’t want to go there.
However, as a beacon of hope in the darkness, I have come bearing tidings of great joy. I am going to give you 7 good reasons why you should shun the news and read my blog instead.
1. I will never, ever post, “I am on a drug. It’s called “Not Your Mother’s Weblog”.
2. Despite the fact that the Mayan calendar says that we’re all toast after 12/21/ 2012 and we are experiencing earthquakes and other natural disasters, I have no idea if the end of the world is here. Therefore I will not post really depressing Bible verses and dire predictions. If my children ever clean up their rooms without me threatening them, I may have to change my mind about this. However, it’s not looking likely so I think we’re safe.
3. I’m not an insane dictator who will threaten to blow up the world unless stopped. I only dictate what I will write so you should never feel threatened here.
4. I’m not going to make you worry about nuclear meltdowns. See #2 above.
5. I don’t care one iota what Britney Spears is doing now, so I won’t talk about her. Ever.
6. That goes for the cast of characters on “Jersey Shore” and Lindsey Lohan too. Snooki who?
7. I live budget cuts, so it’s not something that I want to talk about. It’s my blog and I’ll complain if I want to, but you will not get detailed information regarding the recession here.
Despair not, my friends. Spring arrives tomorrow and I’m going to blog about hideous science fiction book covers soon. Things are looking up.